Warning: this abecedary should not be viewed by children or those of a nervous disposition, as it may permanently damage their lexical development and future career. You have been warned!
| a | for | aether |
| b | for | bdellium |
| c | for | ctenoid |
| d | for | djinn |
| e | for | eye |
| f | for | fnese |
| g | for | gnat |
| h | for | heir |
| i | for | irk |
| j | for | jojoba |
| k | for | knot |
| l | for | llyn |
| m | for | mnemonic |
| n | for | ngoma |
| o | for | ouija |
| p | for | ptarmigan |
| q | for | qat |
| r | for | r-colouring |
| s | for | swounds |
| t | for | tsunami |
| u | for | urban |
| v | for | vau |
| w | for | wreck |
| x | for | xhosa |
| y | for | yttrium |
| z | for | zugzwang |
The guidelines are: English words are preferred to foreign; shorter words to longer; more outrageous spellings to less; common words to proper nouns.
(for aspiring village idiots everywhere)
| a | for | ´orses |
| b | for | mutton |
| c | for | yourself |
| d | for | dumb |
| e | for | brick |
| f | for | vessence |
| g | for | says |
| h | for | |
| i | for | the engine |
| j | for | |
| k | for | |
| l | for | leather |
| m | for | sis |
| n | for | sir |
| o | for | the wings of a dove |
| p | for | relief |
| q | for | tickets |
| r | for | mo´ |
| s | for | Rantzen |
| t | for | 2 |
| u | for | ear |
| v | for | |
| w | for | quits |
| x | for | breakfast |
| y | for | mistress |
| and finally ... | ||
| z´s | for | sleepyheads |
| ... goodnight, everybody! | ||
Jonathan Coxhead (with Andrew Swaine, Jón Fairbairn, Jeremy Henty, Jonathan Griffiths, Rachel Hewson), 8 Sep 1998